Dude Cuts His Dick Off Cause Of His Whore Wife

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Source An allegedly mentally deranged man cut his own penis after a fight with his wife in Mandaue City, a local official said on Monday. Jun Suico, chairman of Barangay Tabok, said Federico Ilustrico, 46, a carpenter, cut his own penis using a shaving blade before noon on Sunday. Suico said that Ilustrico has been having several verbal tussles with his wife, whom she suspects of having a lover. He said that right after the couple’s fight, the man rushed to the back of their house and cut his own manhood with the blade. Suico added that based on initial investigations, the man initially used a knife but it failed to cut hiw penis. ”Sinubukan nya yung kutsilyo kaso parang mapurol,” Suico said in a phone interview.  Suico said barangay officials rushed Ilustrico to a nearby hospital after being informed of the incident. He said, however, that the barangay officials and police authorities failed to find the carpenter’s penis.

What the fuck bro!?!?  Do you have any idea how many guys out there have accidentally castrated themselves and would loved to be you prior to this stupid shit?  Too many to list, fuck just scroll down this blog and read about all the dickless saps I’ve written about.  I would love to sympathize with this guy but he fucked up too many times.  For starters you dont turn a ho into a house wife.  That’s dating 101.  You can fuck them pretty much anywhere at anytime but you dont marry them.  Second, WHY DID YOU CUT YOUR OWN DICK OFF?!?!?!  Cut the other guys dick off, cut your wife’s titties off or something not your own dick!  This guy is a fucking clown end of story.

 

Wait does the end of that article say when the knife wasn’t working he switched to a razor?  That’s fucking craziness and dedication that you don’t wanna be on the bad side of.  I take it all back dude please don’t come find me and cut my shit off too.

mexicans fool people into thinking they are about to have sex then rob them instead

Scam Artists Lure Victims With Bizarre Fetish: Cops

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Guys, if you’re looking for love online, here’s a tip: Be very suspicious if your prospective date asks you to show up with lots of cash.

That was the alleged M.O. used by a trio of Bay Area teens who are accused of trolling the social network Badoo.com looking for “dates” and then robbing the guys when it was time to meet. The trio posed as a young woman whose fantasy was to have sex while rolling around in cold hard cash, Mountain View Patch reported.

Aint this some shit.  This is literally the number one reason why I don’t use online dating.  Imagine being some poor sucker thinking you’re about to meet up with some slut and get you dick sucked then next thing you know these assholes have you at gunpoint.  Talk about a situation going horribly wrong.  I know there are gonna be the idiots out there that respect the creativity of this scheme but let me tell you there is nothing worse than expecting sex and getting robbed instead.  This is kinda like turkey hunting, put a female out there that looks like its about shes about to put out then blow its brains out.  Yep looks like im gonna be sticking with my fleshlight for the foreseeable future.

Dude gives Dale Earnhardt shoutout in his obituary

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Obituaries. We all have one in our future, hopefully much later rather than sooner. And while some obituaries can rise to the level of art, making the life examined one worthy of admiration, some make us look forward to the afterlife. Like this one, from the Northeast Mississippi News:

Timothy Wayne “Tim” Hopkins, 54, went to be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and Dale Earnhardt to contribute his building and painting expertise to the constructing of many heavenly mansions on Saturday, March 23, 2013, in Memphis.

We should all be so lucky to get such a sendoff. Godspeed in your journey, Mr. Hopkins. But you might not want to tell Mr. Earnhardt too much about what’s happening with Twitter wars and the Chase. You don’t want to see tears in heaven.

Now this is how you get sent off to heaven!  Forget grieving and talking about how you are gonna be with the angles instead of your family, no this man knows what hes gonna be doing in heaven, riding down the fast lane with the intimidator!!   One, two, EARNHARDT, four five.  I can picture Tim Hopkins and Dale just tearing apart the race tracks in heaven now with Jesus cheering from the stands and it puts the biggest smile on my face.

When will idiots realize condoms will always suck

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What is one of the oldest medical devices in existence?  What is the most effective method of preventing sexual transmission of HIV?  What medical product is so simple that it can easily be manufactured by the millions and costs just pennies?  The answer to all three is the same – the condom.  The fact that such a modest device, nothing more than an inert sheath of latex, is one of the most effective tools in our armamentarium against HIV infection, and additionally prevents unintended pregnancy, is frankly astounding. When used consistently and correctly, condoms are extremely effective at preventing HIV infection and unplanned pregnancy.

Ultimately, the field is moving toward new classes of products, referred to as Multi-purpose Prevention Technologies (MPTs) that will meet multiple of the sexual and reproductive health needs of men and women, including HIV prevention and contraception.  These might include combination vaginal rings, co-administered or co-formulated injectable products, or new “on demand” products like fast-dissolving vaginal films. A number of concepts are already being actively pursued by product development organizations (please see the CAMI database).  While potentially transformational, most of these products are high risk, years away from being available, and their path through development, regulatory approval, and delivery remains unclear. 

While there have been few modification to condom design that have had substantial impact on the condom market, there are opportunities for taking a radically different approach to condoms being pursued currently.  Researchers at the University of Washington are developing a condom using a technique known as electrospinning, which creates tightly woven fabric out of nanometer-sized polymer strands and which could be used to deliver spermicidal or microbicidal agents in addition to providing a barrier. 

Whats with this nonsense about trying to improve condoms, shits never gonna happen.  Thats like trying to make crocs fashionable.  Its never gonna fucking happen, doesnt matter how thin you make them, how much lube you add to them or pleasure twists and turns you add to them.  At the end of the day raw dogging a bitch is always gonna feel better than wearing a dong bag.  Until the day comes where they invent a pill that prevents me from getting any STD I will continue to roll the dice when I fuck chicks by not strapping up.

And seriously who the fuck still wears condoms?  Like my generation is past this shit right?  All you bitches should be on birth control at this point and STD’s are just part of the gamble of a random hook up.  I know thats like 99% of the fun for sex with me.  Pleasure?  pffffttt fuck that, after like 10 seconds I’m like shit this is fucking exhausting, please let me cum already.  No raw dog sex is all about the excitement of potentially getting an STD.  If im not able to lay $500+ on a football game then I take my degenerate gambling into the bedroom and see if I come out unscathed with a chick whos taken down 30 dicks.  All part of the thrill of life.

PS-After writing this blog I am now convinced I am going to die in a game or Russian Roulette.

Wisconson nude beach getting closed down cause too many people are fucking and doing drugs on it

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MADISON, Wis. — Wisconsin authorities announced Tuesday they will shut down one of nation’s most popular nude beaches on weekdays after struggling for years to curtail sex and drugs on the sandbar and surrounding woods.

Nudists from around the country have been traveling to the public beach on the Wisconsin River near Mazomanie, about 25 miles northwest of Madison, for decades as word spread that prosecutors in ultra-liberal Dane County wouldn’t go after anyone for showing skin. But visitors haven’t stopped at just stripping down. They’ve been slipping off into the woods for trysts and drugs.

Authorities say that’s crossing the line, but they haven’t been able to stop the shenanigans. Their frustration reached a tipping point Tuesday, when the state Department of Natural Resources announced it will close the beach, the islands immediately off it and the surrounding woods to the public on weekdays, when wardens say troublemakers tend to operate unseen. The closures begin immediately. The area will remain open on weekends, though.

Wait nude beaches exist in Wisconsin?  Who the fuck wants to go to a nude beach in a place thats as fucking cold as that shit state, have you seen the pigs that reside in that state.  Disgusting.  Nothing but fat broads sucking down cheese, its like a state full of people of walmart.  Not to mention that its fucking freezing cold.  I am the biggest supporter of nudity but freezing my dick off is something I will pass on. 

In fact has anyone every been to a nude beach that isnt just a bunch of naked euro dudes getting their dick tans on?  I didnt know nude beaches where people actually do coke off tits exist.  I mean in theory this place sounds fucking awesome but I am not gonna argue this law.  Nothing worse than a naked fat person doing coke and getting stuffed in the bush.

I wish i was on the Maine Zumba jury so bad its not even funny

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ALFRED, Maine (AP) — A Maine jury hearing the case of a Maine man accused of helping a Zumba instructor engage in prostitution is watching sexually explicit videos as part of the high-profile trial.

Jurors began viewing the videos at about 9 a.m. Thursday, a day after they saw more than two dozen explicit photos and a video that showed the fitness instructor performing a striptease inside her studio.

Mark Strong Sr. faces 13 counts related to promotion of prostitution. Prosecutors said he made screen-grab snapshots from live Skype sessions he had with Alexis Wright while she engaged in sex for money.

Both have pleaded not guilty. Wright will be tried later.

How lucky are the people who got selected for this jury?  I fucking hate jury duty and I would have willingly done this.  All you do for days is watch this smoke strip and fuck clients, it doesn’t get any better than that.  I mean they got to watch over 13 videos one day one.  Serving the state while getting to watch porn is so god damn patriotic its not even funny.  America Fuck Yeah!  Porno Fuck Yeah!  You better believe I would show up in my American flag pants and aviators cause I would be so proud to be an American.  Why dont more zumba instructers get caught doing this type of shit?  Or at least why dont things like this happen in my life more often?

middle school lunch lady in trouble for fucking student

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COLUMBIA, SC A Dutch Fork Middle School cafeteria worker accused of sexually assaulting a 13-year-old boy at her home has been arrested, Columbia police announced Tuesday.

Lawanda Ann Cummings, 42, is charged with second-degree criminal sexual conduct with a minor, according to an arrest warrant.

Since the woman worked in the school cafeteria, she didn’t have routine direct contact with students, Lexington-Richland School District 5 spokesman Mark Bounds said, adding the woman and student were acquainted outside of school.

Cummings was placed on paid administrative leave from her job Tuesday when the district was told of the arrest, Bounds said.

Columbia police allege the boy, a student at Dutch Fork Middle School, was at the suspect’s home along Columbiana Drive in May 2012 when the incident occurred.

According to the arrest warrant, the suspect allegedly took the boy into her room and closed the door under the pretense of studying.

Once inside, the warrant says, the woman engaged in a sexual act with the boy. The assault continued until one of the suspect’s children, who was home at the time, came to the door.

Talk about being a desperate teenager just trying to bust a nut.  I mean resorting to fucking the cafeteria staff is about as low as it gets.  All you read about nowadays are these horny ass teachers fucking every student in sight and yet you need to resort to fucking the lady thats slapping together sloppy joes?  This kid must be the horniest person on the planet or one ugly mother fucker.  Anyone who thinks the kid didnt initiate this romp with the lunch lady is an idiot.  Cant get over this broads excuse either, she was going to help him study.  C’mon thats the best you can come up with?  No body is enough of a fucking idiot to believe that studying with the lunch lady is going to help you improve your grades.  You would have to be a full blown retarded person to buy that story.  Maybe if this kid is a pussy taking home ec but I am pretty sure in South Carolina thats reserved for southern belles and future sorostiutes.  The biggest travesty about this story is the kid doesnt even get off since the ladies kid comes home and cock blocks the shit outta this poor little bastard in the middle of the whole thing.  Just poor execution from everyone involved in this story.