Russian military checking for face tattoos on soldiers dicks and asses cause it means they are gay

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The Russian Defence Ministry has recommended that new soldiers be checked for tattoos that could indicate that they have had gay sex, specifically recommending that genitals and buttocks be examined.

Damon Murray, co-editor of the “Russian Criminal Tattoo Encyclopaedia Volumes I-III”, says the recommendations reflect traditions in the Russian prison system.

“This is a form of ‘lowering,’ basically degrading an inmate, forcing him to become a passive homosexual who could be raped,” said Mr Murray, adding that tattoos are sometimes applied to inmates by force.

“The most common image for this would be a woman entwined with a snake (on the back), or a set of eyes above the buttocks or the penis (making a ‘face’).

“Inmates might also be tattooed with dots or ‘beauty marks’ on the forehead, cheeks or above the upper lip (this signifies a ‘vaflyor,’ a passive partaker in oral sex),” he said.

Igor Kochetkov, a local LGBT activist, said that using tattoos to indicate a person’s sexuality is highly uncommon among gay people.

The Defence Ministry said: “The reason for getting tattoos could indicate a low cultural or educational level. If an influence by external factors is determined, for example, persuasion or direct coercion, this indicates the malleability of the young man, his disposition to submit to another’s will.”

As well as checking for tattoos, their list of ways to investigate a recruit’s sexuality includes asking whether they have a girlfriend, asking to describe their sexual experiences, and questioning whether they think faithfulness is important.

They also recommend inquiring about a recruit’s history with suicide, alcohol, and theft.

Military officers are reportedly uncertain about implementing the new guidelines.

One anonymous battalion captain said, “I just physically can’t so confidentially hold a discussion with each new recruit. The commanders do that anyway. What will they do, examine their genitals for any tattoos? And how will they ask about someone’s first sexual experience? ‘Hey, when did you have your first woman, rookie? Answer directly, no beating around the bush!’”

He added, ” I had one gay contract soldier who joined just to find more partners for himself. For people like that, of course, there’s no place in the Army.”

I dont really know whats gayer in this situation.  Being a gay dude in the military and having this prison style tattoo that says you take it up the ass or are a “passive partaker in oral sex” or are the poor soldier checking everyone in the military’s dick and ass for these tattoos.  Imagine trying to explain your job to a stranger.  Oh I’m in the military…no i dont engage in combat or load ammo or anything cool.  I check dicks and asses for tattoos that symbolize being gay, but I’m not gay.  Not getting laid with that job.  And how did this even come across the governments radar?

Seriously though wouldn’t life be so much easier if everyone was tattooed like the Russian military?  This would take out so much complications and misunderstandings in life if we were all just tattooed with our sexuality, gender, level of sluttiness, ect….No more awkward conversations at bars trying to get a feel for whether or not the chick you’ve been hitting on all night is going to put out or not.  Just check her tattoo and you’re golden.  Heart above the pussy-DTF, lips on her forearms-blowjob queen, hands on her eyes and shes only down for HJ’s.  No more being mislead with girls coy shit just getting to business.  Now granted there is definitely some competition taken out of the hunt with these slut tattoos but seriously who wants to put in the effort to bang a chick when you can just check out her tat and know what you are getting into that night.  This can be applied to gay dudes as well, no more need to segregate themselves at gay bars.  Just get these Russian military tats and join everyone else for a night out.

GPS failure leads Georgia hipster to the creepiest house ever and redneck homeowner shoots him to death

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A 69-year-old homeowner shot and killed a young man after police say the 22-year-old mistakenly pulled into his home’s driveway because of a GPS error.

Phillip Walker Sailers of Lilburn, Georgia told police he thought Rodrigo Abad Diaz and his friends were home invaders when he started firing at their vehicle on Saturday night.

Sailors, a Vietnam veteran, is now being held on a malice murder charge after he fatally shot Diaz in the head, a charge his attorney says has left him ‘very distraught.’

After Sailors grabbed his gun from inside, he returned ‘…shooting a .22 caliber pistol in the direction of the victim, while the victim was driving his car away…’ according to the arrest warrant.

Sailors’ attorney, Michael Puglise, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the 69-year-old was home with his wife that night and assumed the young man pulled up for a home invasion.

Is it insensitive to think this kid kinda had this coming, like what the fuck did he expect when him and his friends roll up to THIS HOUSE….

They cant possibly expect they were in the right place.  Like am I the only person who would know that if my GPS told me THAT is my final destination I would be in the wrong place?  Fuck that I wouldn’t even get the outta my car.  This is the house where some human centipede shit happens in the basement.  Just a total lack of common sense used here by this hipster bro.  But this is what separates common folk from the douchy hipsters, common sense.  You or I would see this house and think, yep if I go in there I’m probably gonna die. Hipser line of thought is “Oh man this place is no non-conformist and run down, its awesome.”  Idiot thats why this redneck blasted your face off.  Sorry, but no sympathy from me.

 

 

persian bro tricks 350 stupid women to strip and send naked pics of themselves to him

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A man accused of blackmailing hundreds of women into stripping for him as he watched over the internet could face a 105 year prison sentence.

So-called ‘sextortionist’ Karen ‘Gary’ Kazaryan, 27, is said to have coerced more than 350 young women into showing him their naked bodies by hacking into their Facebook and e-mail accounts, posing as a friend, and coaxing them to strip as he watched via Skype – often capturing images of them shedding their clothes.

Kazaryan, of Glendale, California, is also alleged to have searched the accounts he hacked for existing naked or revealing pictures of his victims, which – if a woman discovered his ruse – he would use to blackmail her into yet more stripping.

Around 3,000 pictures of naked and semi-naked women were discovered on Kazaryan’s computer, according to federal investigators, who said the 27-year-old would repeatedly contact his victims and demand they expose themselves to him over Skype.

In some cases he is accused of posting naked pictures to the victims’ Facebook pages when they refused his demands.

He was arrested yesterday and is facing 15 charges of computer intrusion and 15 of aggravated identity theft, Assistant U.S. Attorney Tracy L. Wilkison told the Associated Press.

Not all of the women allegedly targeted in Kazaryan’s complex scam have been identified, but FBI investigators estimate he had over 350 victims.

So let me get this right?  This guy would hack into these chicks facebooks, pretend to be their friends and talk them into send nudes and strip for him on skype?  How is this blackmail?  Last time I checked chicks dont just send nudes and strip unless you’ve worked solid game and have the chick wrapped around your finger.  Like pretending to be someones friend doesnt mean you dont just automatically get in on all these chicks nudes, you still have to spit game, and trick these chicks that you are a boss.  And how dumb are these chicks that you have random friends all of a sudden asking you to send pics of their tits?  Like this guy can hack my facebook any day of the week if it means the next time i sign on im gonna have a bunch of naked slut pics in my inbox.  The other thing about this entire story that confuses me is that unless you have a computer from the 1970s you have a fucking built in webcam and can see whos on the other end.  Dumb broads, there just upset they got tricked into sending nudes to some random persian bro.

I actually kinda respect this guy to be honest.  He was able to get 3000 nudes!  You know how many ive gotten?  Like 2 at best, this guy is literally like over 1000xs better at me at the sexting game.  If anything he has given hope to people out there that the new go to move for nudes is to come in as the platonic friend and act like a persian with absurd chest hair and tons of gold necklaces.  Basically act like you are Xerxes from 300.

Joe Flaccos dad thinks hes a douche

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Well, he can’t have it all.

Joe Flacco, starting quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens, can throw a football a miraculous 70 yards. He can toss a ball so well that one analyst said he has the strongest arm in the NFL.

But in regular day-to-day life, the man with the incredible arm is not nearly as exciting as he is on the field, his father says.

‘Joe is dull,’ Steve Flacco told the New York Times in a recent telephone interview. ‘As dull as he is portrayed in the media, he’s that dull. He is dull.’

You know how you can tell whether or not you are a fucking loser?  If you are the quarterback for one of the teams in the superbowl and your dad flat out calls you “dull”.  Who the fuck calls anyone dull?  You have to be one fucking massive pussy to be referred to as dull.  I think the only way his dad could have disrespected Joe any worse is if he had called him Shane Falco.  I can just picture Flacco in college, probably transferred in from Pitt cause he had some long-distance girlfriend that was threatening to dump him if he didnt go to Delaware.  Then he gets there and instead of running train on the entire student body the way Johnny Football does it, Flacco probably just sits in his dorm room playing dungeons and dragons with the kicker and punter cause they are the only ones on the team who actually like him.  Then he gets to the pros and does he live it up?  No, he continues to hide underneath his eyebrows like a cowardly squid.  Listen up Flacco, start living life like a fucking man and doing the shit pro-athletes can do like get away with murder like your teammate.

This UT vs Texas A&M law needs to pass so bad its not even funny

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A bill that would require the University of Texas at Austin and Texas A&M University to face each other on the football field every year was filed on Monday by state Rep. Ryan Guillen, D-Rio Grande City.

The two flagship universities had a longstanding football rivalry, playing each other every year from 1914 until this past season. That all came to an end in 2012 following A&M’s move to the Southeastern Conference.

“This game is as much a Texas tradition as cowboy boots and barbeque,” Guillen, an A&M graduate, said. “The purpose of the bill is to put the eyes of Texas upon our two greatest universities to restore this sacred Texas tradition.”

House Bill 778, as filed, does not specify when the game should occur, but it does offer a penalty should it fail to happen: Whichever institution refused to participate in the showdown would suffer restrictions on its athletic scholarships.

Guillen, an A&M graduate, said it was too early to tell whether the legislation had a shot, but he said it was important to begin a dialogue about restoring the annual tradition.

“I think the people of Texas want a game, and we’re trying to get them one,” he said.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again.  Texas is on fucking fire right now, these guys have their fucking priorities in line.  You think the Texas government gives a fuck about whatever else is going on in the news?  No they care about football and money, so lets do what the rest of the country cant do and create some fucking revenue for our state by bringing back one of the best and oldest rivalries in college sports.  Seriously get these two schools playing again!  Have you ever been to Austin or College Station?   The amount of hot chicks that would be in attendance alone makes it 10000000% worth it. 

Now more than ever this rivalry should be branded into Texas’s law-books.  On one side you have A&M with Johnny Football who is the hottest thing in college football right now, Heisman trophy winner, KING of laying pipe to slutty college co-eds and renegade casino gambler.  I mean the guy is literally a riverboat gambler and most bad ass personality in college sports.  On the other side you have UT at Austin, the longhorn is unquestionable the coolest logo in college sports, they just spit in the face of the rest of college sports with their own tv network.  At the end of the day the money and hot chicks that this game generates would be stupid for the state Texas not to pass this law and make UT and A&M play every year, cause at the end of the day those are the only two things that really matter.

Quack doctor claims to have invented g-spot enlarger

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It is a sexual quixotic quest that has frustrated couples for decades.

The illusive G-Spot has proved an enduring mystery – sparking debate among doctors, some of whom claim the idea of the G-Spot is a myth.

But now, for those who can locate their G-Sport, help is at hand as it is revealed that the sex lives of couples worldwide could be enhanced dramatically thanks to a single jab.

The vaginal sub mocosal hylauronic acid injection – or G-Shot – claims to improve women’s sex lives by pumping filler into their G-Spot.

And now an Essex clinic reports a 50 per cent boom in bookings for the surgical procedure, suggesting it really works.

The jab, which costs £550, temporarily increases the G-Spot’s size to that of a 10p coin.

Dr Lucy Glancey, of Grancey Medical in Essex. has been performing this operation for five years.

In the first three years she performed approximately 60 procedures and in the last two years she has seen a 50 per cent increase, with approximately 90 cases completed.

The G-Shot has an expected longevity of six months.

Dr Glancey said she gets inquiries from younger women who do not need the procedure and see it as a fashion trend, but she doesn’t perform the procedure on them, deeming it ‘unnecessary’.

Her usual clientele, who do benefit from the jab, include women in the 35-50 age group who have either given birth, changed with age or have embarked on a new relationship, perhaps with a younger man.

Dr Grancey says women with ‘stretching and age-related changes experience less tightness and friction’ and the G-Shot can help with this to a degree.

Yeah ok doc, G-spot enlarging and enhancing females sexual pleasure.  Everyone knows the g-spot isnt real and women only tolerate sex so they can get men to do whatever they want by manipulating us with their pussies.  Cant fault the effort though, with all the different types of surgeries and injections chicks go through these days to get rid or wrinkles, get bigger tits and what not.  Why not make up this g-spot stimulator injection and try to capitalize on womens stupidity and obsession with shopping.  Thats why hes marketing this to women from 35-50, these are the chicks with husbands with wallets the ladies will be able to take advantage of.  I can picture it now, some cougar walking up to her husband asking for the cash so it can improve their sex life but in reality shes just gonna go to town on herself with the new shower head she had installed or let the pool boy keep doing his thing.  These doctors are also smart enough to know they dont want some broke college chick strolling in trying to pay this off by trying to offer the doctor a blow job cause she needs her money for her text books or some shit.  Thats business savvy at its finest right there and I respect the hell out of it.

New DSM says were all alcoholics cause the mental health community is full of pussies

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Are you an alcoholic — or just a problem drinker? It may not matter, according to the latest version of the DSM, psychiatry’s diagnostic manual.

And now, in a new study of the different levels of alcohol misuse, scientists say the changes made to the DSM-5 may not even represent a significant improvement in the diagnosis of alcoholism.

In fact, the revised definition collapses the medical distinction between problem drinking and alcoholism, potentially leading college binge drinkers to be mislabeled as possible lifelong alcoholics. The changes take effect in May, when the DSM-5 will be released.

In the DSM-5, “alcohol use disorder” is now a single condition, rather than two different conditions.

Prior editions of the DSM included the less severe “alcohol abuse,” which was meant to apply to people with short-term and less entrenched problems such as college binge drinkers, and the more severe “dependence,” which became synonymous with hard-core alcoholism. The new diagnosis combines abuse and dependence into a single condition with varying levels of severity.

That means that the new version tends to pick up slightly less severe cases than the previous criteria.

Around 40% of college students engage in binge drinking frequently enough that they might qualify for the diagnosis — but only 5% of graduates over 26 are current alcoholics.

Is there a bigger group of buzzkills than the group of people who sat down and wrote this shit?  No doubt in my mind this was a table of virgins who never drank in college EVER and decided that binge drinking makes you an alcoholic.  Fuck that noise, so all I need to do is drink 5 beers a night and im considered an alcoholic?  Pffffftt 5 drinks in a night and im not even worried about missing work the next day.  What group of pussies thinks that is where you start drawing the line for alcoholism?  Definitely not anyone whos ever drank before or gone out and lived any kind of respectable life.  But thats what these mental health sissies want to do, just guilt everyone into feeling bad for them so they create this fake diagnosis’  that turn night caps into alcoholism.  Every kid in college getting fucked up beyond recognition “has a problem”.  This is absotruthley false, what people are doing are living their lives and this is just another group of people that cant relax and have fun without raining on other pepoles parades.  These fuckers need to go back to dunkin donuts and drink another iced coffee.

Lady Gaga is fucking ginger now

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While she may have been born this way, Lady Gaga’s hair is certainly anything but natural, having gone from platinum blonde to fiery red head in just a few days.

Gaga showed off her new auburn locks in Las Vegas, Nevada, on Friday as she rolled her new anti-bullying bus into Sin City.

Dubbed the BornBrave Bus, the brightly coloured vehicle rolls into town before each of the Poker Face singer’s concerts providing a free counseling for people under 25 who are struggling to deal with bullying and mental health issues.

As the 26-year-old said on her Facebook page it is ‘a fun tailgating experience for Monsters to unite. BornBrave Bus Is a place where mental health + depression are taken seriously w/ no judgment, FREE real help available to all.’

The singer – born Stefani Germanotta – has been dedicated to promoting the the anti-bullying message after revealing she too was a victim of child bullying.

God damn it, god fucking damn it.  As a ginger I have tried for years to not live up to the stereotypes that we are all soulless pussies who cant handle the sun without SPF 5000 sunscreen.  But with one trip to the hair salon Lady Gaga has crushed all the hard work non-pussy gingers have done over the years.  All of Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks, all the times people have rubbed one out to Ariel from Little Mermaid, every touchdown Andy Dalton has thrown just totally worthless now.  Do you really think us ginger people want to be associated with this disco stick hopping, poker-faced, meat-suite wearing psychopath who may or may not have been born with a penis.  Thanks to Lady Gaga now ginger stands for mental illness and being picked on.  AWESOME!  Thanks Gaga thats exactly what we were going for.

Giant squids coming to kill us all

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Kraken. Devilfish. Giant squid. One of the mysterious inhabitants of the deep ocean gets its close-up this weekend, seen for the first time alive and in its natural habitat.

Sought by scientists for centuries, the views of giant squids, creatures about 40 feet long dwelling in the deep ocean, arrive Sunday in Monster Squid: The Giant is Real, on the Discovery Channel (8 PM ET/PT). Underneath the excitement of the long-sought sea monster appearing alive is a serious scientific story, say the researchers who helped capture the first film views of the undersea creatures.

Like all squids, giant ones have eight arms, two feeding tentacles and a cap-like mantle. Giant squids are distinguished by their length, perhaps as much as 40 feet in females, with a mantle six feet long and eyes the size of cantaloupes. They dwell perhaps 300 to 3,000 feet underwater, turning their gaze upward to search for prey, even as they fall prey themselves to sperm whales.

“If they are monsters, they are very gentle ones,” says squid expert (or teuthologist) Clyde Roper of the Smithsonian’s Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C. Roper organized unsuccessful expeditions in the late 1990s hunting for deep-sea views of giant squids off New Zealand, and he delivers one of the more delightful moments of the show as he happily confirms to the scientists that they had succeeded in capturing the first camera shots of a living giant squid.

What are these scientist so excited about?  Have they never seen a sci-fi movie before?  Dont they know whats next?  Fucking doom for us all!  I’ve seen it all to many times in movies to be excited that we just founds this 40ft monster with its cantaloupe sized eyes that attacks sperm whales for fun.  Next thing you know life is gonna be like The Beast, or 2000 leagues Under the Sea.  These bad boys are just gonna start killing off fisherman for fun and taking out surfers just to be dicks.  No more sex on the beach either, these things will be patrolling the beaches just cock blocking the shit outta you.  And if you do manage to get it in you know you’re dead 30 seconds later like in any movie where there’s nudity.  And thats just the beginning of shit getting weird.  Next thing you know giant octopuses, megalodon sharks and crocosauruses are gonna gonna start popping up everywhere taking out cruise ships and battling for giant creature supremacy.  The human race is so fucked its not even funny.

Idiot security guard shoots his dick off

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Is that an illegal gun in your pocket or did you just shoot your penis off?

A 33-year-old security guard in Rio Claro, Trinidad And Tobago was found by police slumped behind his steering wheel on Sunday morning, according to the Trinidad and Tobago Guardian.

Police saw that the guard was bleeding from his groin and they discovered he had a .38 caliber firearm in his right front pocket. Cops determined the man had accidentally shot his penis off.

He was taken to a local hospital where he remains. Gawker reports that it’s unclear whether medical staff was able to reattach or reassemble the guard’s manhood.

As Gawker writes, to add insult to “the worst injury imaginable,” the guard will likely face charges of illegal possession of a firearm because he allegedly didn’t have a valid handgun license.

There are few fates worse than death and shooting your dick off is definitely one of them.  Can you imagine this poor bastards day?  Hes just some lowly 3rd world country security guard at some strip mall and watching the trinadadian soccer moms roll through are probably the only thing getting him through his shift.  Then the next thing you know BOOM!  Your gun goes and blasts your dick off.  Now you are in the hospital and the doctors are telling you that they may or may not be able to reattach it?  You know what the next move is right?  He asks for his gun back and blows his brain out.  The second the doctor tells you they cannot reattach it is when you reach for that gun and end it all.  There is absolutely no reason to live anymore, no dick and possible jail time?  Yep, you’d see my brains scattered all over the floor if I ever face that kind of news.  The possible charges for not owning a valid license for the gun is the last thing on my mind behind the crippling depression that I’ll have because I will never be able to stand up and take a piss again, have a boner, bust a nut and all the other fun things I get to do with my dick.